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| From | Message | Posted by kestutis
razlending.com
4/16/2008
23:24:07
Play online chess |  Subject: Chess jokes
Message:
How about some jokes related to chess?
I found one that made me laugh outloud:
"So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"
| Posted by chessnovice
razlending.com
4/17/2008
03:10:18
Play online chess | always been my favorite
Message:
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
| Posted by taufiq
razlending.com
4/17/2008
04:37:56
Play online chess | ...
Message:
A chess master died at his chessboard - and after a few days, a good friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news?"
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are chess tournaments with incredible classical, rapids and blitz sessions going on all the time 24/7 with Morphy, Stenitz, Pillsbury, Dr. Lasker, Capablanca, Alekhine, Dr. Euwe, Botvinnik, Bronstein, Tal, Petrosian, they're all here, and you can play any one of them at anytime."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "so what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
———
At Chess Olympiad, No Team Is Perfect — It turns out that no team is capable of running away from the field at the Chess Olympiad, at least in the open section. Monday, the last three undefeated and untied teams in the competition — Hungary, Armenia and the Republic of Georgia — failed to win their matches. Armenia and Georgia played each other and drew, while Hungary lost to Ukraine. Armenia, Georgia and Ukraine are now tied for the lead with five wins and one draw, for a total of 11 points each. The two top Russian teams, Poland, the United States, Azerbaijan and Hungary are tied for fourth, each with 10 points. In the women’s portion of the Chess Olympiad, one team — the top one from Russia — remains perfect, though ...
Posted by akisame
razlending.com
4/17/2008
06:03:45
Play online chess | . . .
Message:
Beating your friend at chess - fun.
Beating Chewbacca at chess - wookie mistake.
———
Kirsan Ilyumzhinov Re-elected as World Chess Federation President — Kirsan Ilyumzhinov was re-elected as president of the World Chess Federation on Wednesday. Mr. Ilyumzhinov reportedly defeated Anatoly Karpov, the former world chess champion, by a vote of 99 to 55. Each country in the federation, which is also known by the acronym FIDE (for Fédération Internationale des Échecs), had one vote. Mr. Ilyumzhinov’s new term runs to 2014; he has been president of FIDE since 1995. The election was held in Khanty-Mansiysk, Russia, where the biennial Chess Olympiad is also being played. As part of Mr. Ilyumzhinov’s ticket, Georgios Makropoulos of Greece was re-elected deputy president; Lewis Ncube of Zambia and Beatriz Marinello ...
Posted by akisame
razlending.com
4/17/2008
06:22:07
Play online chess | . . .
Message:
A seaside town was hosting a world caliber chess tournament. Two days into the tournament, one of the competitors, finished with his game, decides to go for a swim. After a few minutes, he is heard crying out; it is discovered that a shark has taken a bite out of his leg. Everyone is alarmed, but assurances are given that the shark will be found, and it was after all small bite.
The next day another tournament player goes swimming, and his leg also has a bite taken out of it. Same thing the third day. Strangely, though there are other people at the beach, it is only the chess players that are being nibbled.
In an effort to assure the public and keep the tournament from collapsing, a strong net is placed around the beach and the queen is asked if she can intervene. "It is well known that you play chess, your Majesty. There is a protective net up now, and if you can swim safely, then the players will be reassured and the people can feel comfortable on our beaches again. The queen agrees, and goes for a quick swim. She has been out for only a minute when she yelps. She is quickly pulled out of the water, and her leg inspected. Lo and behold, another shark bite. This time however, it appears the shark dd not remove any flesh. The public is told tha queen has emerged in one piece.
The tabloids cannot resist the story.
The next day's headlines read "Queen's gam bit, declined."
———
Ivanchuk Dominates Chess Olympiad — The chess olympiad in Khanty-Mansiysk, Russia is in full swing, moving into the second half. The Open section has 149 teams listed, nearly 750 chess players. The women section has 115 teams, roughly 575 chess players. Head and shoulders above all players stands Vasyl Ivanchuk. The 41-year old Ukrainian grandmaster smashed everything coming his way so far, winning five straight games and amassing a giant 3357 performance rating. On Tuesday, Ivanchuk added his sixth victory against the Georgian GM Baadur Jobava. His team leads the chess olympiad after seven rounds, having won six matches and drawing one. The 11-round olympiad concludes Sunday, October 3. Ivanchuk was ...
Posted by ionadowman
razlending.com
4/17/2008
13:49:09
Play online chess | The rivalry...
Message:
... between Aleksandr Alekhine and Efim Bogoljobov was as intense as any the chessboard had seen, and the vitriol was never far from the surface. Finally, in exasperation, Alekhine told this story:
"Last night, I had a dream... I dreamed I had died, and was wafted to the gates of heaven. There I stood at the Pearly Gates accosted by St Peter, who asked my who I was.
Says I, 'I am Aleksandr Aleksandrovitch Alekhine, Chess Champion of the World!'
'Chess Champion!" says St Peter, "We don't allow chess players to enter the Kingdom of Heaven! To the nether place you must go!'
Well, feeling disconsolate, I was about to turn away, when who should drift by but Bogoljobov, complete with angel wings and halo, plinking a harp and floating on a cloud.
'Hang on a moment!" says I, "What about Bogoljubov here? He's a chess player and you let him in!'
'Bogojubov a chess player?" quoth the Saintly Doorkeeper,
'Nah! He just thinks he is!' "
Cheers,
Ion
———
New Jersey Man Plays Kasparov and Carlsen — Chess players are not movie stars — no one has ever stalked a chess player, at least not for playing chess — but some fans go to great lengths to meet and even play against the game’s best. Jonathan B. Crumiller is a fan, and he lived out a dream this month. Crumiller, who is a master but certainly not a top chess player, is the chief operating officer of Princeton Consultants and lives and works in New Jersey. On Sept. 8, he was in London at a fund-raiser for Anatoly Karpov, the former world chess champion, who is running for president of the World Chess Federation. As part of the event, there was an auction to play a consultation game with Garry Kasparov, another former chess champion, and ...
Posted by tag1153
razlending.com
4/18/2008
08:43:42
Play online chess | as told by Capablanca
Message:
"I was playing in a tournament in Germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement. 'I've solved chess!' I sensibly started to back away, in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: 'I'll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.' Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room."
"Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board. 'I've worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.' I played black with perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white's pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move!"
"I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn't possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room."
"Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail."
"It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins."
About this time Capa's friends would break in, saying "Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?"
"Why, we killed him, of course."
———
Chess stars align in Siberia — The 39th Chess Olympiad began Tuesday in Khanty-Mansiysk, a small Siberian city in Russia. The immense chess tournament has attracted 146 men's teams and 114 women's teams representing 142 nations. Half of the 484 participants in the men's section hold the grandmaster title. The ninth-seeded U.S. men's chess team consists of grandmasters Hikaru Nakamura (Missouri), Gata Kamsky (New York), Alexander Onischuk (Virginia), Yury Shulman (Illinois) and Robert Hess (New York). That's an impressive lineup with a fair chance at a medal. They defeated Faroe Islands, 4-0, and Mongolia, 31/2-1/2, in their first two matches. The sixth-seeded U.S. women's chess team is probably ...
Posted by caro-kann
razlending.com
4/23/2008
03:28:11
Play online chess | A horrible joke ;)
Message:
One weekend, a major chess tournament was held between lots of players. Each player played 4 games against everyone else in their group, then the winners of each group would do the same against each other. In the final match, the winner easily defeated the loser 4-0. However, this sort of tournament takes a long time, and goes from morning to afternoon. Lunch is served between games.
The press come in to congratulate the winner and to interview him. The first few questions go along swimmingly, however, the next question is not fully heard. The winner's reply is though :
I started out with two Fried Livers - really robust, strong openers - even I was surprised at my own audacity to try it. In the middle, I had a nice King's Indian - every piece complemented each other thorougly, with lots of depth in the preparation - a true flash of brilliance. To finish it off, I decided on the Danish. It was an interesting thing - the many layers and discoveries that were made. It was a sweet ending.
To answer your question, I thoroughly enjoyed that particular lunch.
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